What the Furkenstock?

tommy ton

There are shoes. There are great shoes. But then there are ugly shoes, really ugly shoes. They are the shoes that make you question your beliefs, your hopes, your dreams, because you wonder if shoes like this exist, what am I really doing here?

Sound melodramatic? That was my intention because I want you all to understand how enraged I am by ugly shoes. There are some in particular that infuriate me more than others but I will admit there are many factors at play that impact the way an ugly shoe can be perceived.

Take for example of the Celine ‘Furkenstocks’, the mink lined Birkenstock hybrid from the 2012 runway. The name alone makes me shiver. Ms. Philo you’ve done so much good, why did you stoop to this low? Now to play devil’s advocate (because only the devil could like something quite so aghast) I’m sure they are really comfortable. Like running your toes over a cute little furry mammal. Think about that for a minute. Now attach them to your feet and walk around in them. Something just isn’t right.
Now the image above paints these shoes in an interesting light. They almost don’t look hideous. Good photography, a creative outfit, a European cobblestone road, black town cars – all the components of a winning look. But then really consider the shoes. Lets just say if you like to look like you have fur growing from the soles of your feet we’ve got bigger problems.

So the Furkenstocks are ugly. We’ve established that. But they’re not my ultimate foe. When it comes to ugly shoes flatforms win the crown. I cringe when I read that chunky shoes are still on trend over dainty, delicate stilettos. There ain’t nothing flattering about a flatform.

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If you look at the images I’ve collected of flatform wearing beauties you might think, what’s so wrong about these? But then just imagine these looks with a delicate, simple dainty heel and how much better that would look.

The flatform is at its worst when worn incorrectly. With your cotton crop top and denim cut offs? Please no. I can’t even think of a look that they are actually appropriate for. Hence the principle of this article: for every ugly shoe, there is a better shoe, so for the love of god wear it.

Don’t get me wrong. There is always someone out there that can make an ugly shoe look damn fine and make me question every thing I’ve just said, but for the most of the time an ugly shoe is just that, an ugly shoe. And ugly shoes should have no place in this world.

So for your viewing pleasure I’ve assembled a quick slideshow of ugly shoes that are so bad they don’t deserve a formal mention.

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The Tall

P.S. If I see you wearing those flatform sandals with the tassels on them don’t come near me because by the time were finished speaking those tassels will be long gone. Don’t ask how, just trust me.

You may disagree with all of the above and that’s ok! Convince us otherwise by commenting.

Images via Tommy Ton for style.com


One thought on “What the Furkenstock?

  1. Pingback: Trending | thetallandtheshortofit

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